It takes an army of misfits to plan a weekend like Green Dress. Want to know more about these half minds who were stupid enough to volunteer their time to plan this event? Well, now you can do just that.
Meet the fabulous GMs, Hares and RAs that help make PDX Green Dress what it is.
Hash Name: Bottom Dollarrrrr!!! Jk… it’s Scent of a Man
Mother Hash: PH4
Home Kennel: My Bed
How Long you’ve been hashing: Let’s seeee…. well first there was that year or so of exciting sexual misadventure. Then one day I found this penis… it has black bat wings (that are ribbed for my pleasure), it lurks on the rooftops of kegs, chugs beers under a stupid dorky cape, and is secretly a very poor well known wanker. I made it my sex slave about 4 1/2 years ago soooo I guess that makes 6.9 years of hashing!
Naming story: I hunt men… for both our pleasures 😉
Favorite sexual position: The Minivan!
Favorite barnyard animal: Pussies
Most awkward sex story: When I was caught and named by the hash… it was night… Dense shiggy was all around, I had forgotten to change the batteries in my headlamp and the terrifying realization of sobering up was becoming all to real. What a day to leave my shiggy gloves in a carefully placed visible spot in my house so as not to forget them! I had to rely on my sense of smell to follow the shitty beer & “showing off what my testosterone can do” fueled wankers through forest to make it to the BC. Thankfully there was plenty more shit beer to go around and I didn’t have to drive that night. I got named and I still came. The end.
Favorite hash story: There was this one time at an Interam… say like 6.9 years ago where Fallen Cum Rag and I turned around and short cutted with about 1/4 of the half minds on the welcome trail cause I saw some racist idiots had solved enough trail I could see them cuming back our direction on a nearby bridge. SHORT CUTTING IS HONORABLE!
(Our poster for out sitcom entitled “Me and My Two Uncles”)
Hash Name: ♫ 10 Dix with Wings ♫
Mother Hash: Chicago H3
Home Kennel: I’ve never been one to claim only one local kennel. And, well…I’ve always claimed DC Road Whores despite never actually living there…so maybe now I’m just a Whore?
How Long you’ve been hashing: 8 years?
Naming story: I hared for the first time the day of the Chicago Marathon (10.10.10) My hometown is Dix Hills. And I have a tattoo of a sneaker with wings. Oh,and I’m a Jew with a Christmas name for a song
Favorite sexual position: Anyone that involves a guy with a beard? Or errr doggy style.
Favorite barnyard animal: Ducks, because duck sex is one of the most hilarious things ever (google it!)
Most awkward sex story: It’s not awkward unless you let it be awkward. Or errr, so there I was…(holy hell first shit tell me about it motherfucker) at trash prom from hell. I texted my roommate that I needed to “use the room for a little while” and she passed this info along to someone who proceeded to rally about 20 people and bring them into my room while I was banging someone. They proceeded to continue to drink, give the dude a high five, and sit around for several minutes…all while this guy was still inside of me. At least it earned me my first DC Road Whore Name…
Favorite hash story: When Pabst met Salt Lick for the first time and thought it was me and proceeded to shout out “Hey 10 Dix, why are you being so aggressive?” Or, at trash prom from hell as well, when I proceeded to get down on my knees (this isn’t going where you think it is…) and give Uncle Bad Touch’s dick a pep talk.
Hash Name: Chubby Chaser
Mother Hash: The Suntan Hash (may it rot in hell)
Home Hash: Beaver H3
How Long: Eight years or so, its kind of blurry for totally not booze related reasons.
Naming Story: Helped a friend of the larger variety up a hill, now I’m cursed with certain assumptions about my attractions every time I meet somebody new. Key lesson, never help a friend in need.
Favorite Sexual Position: That one where you get to put your thing in their thing. You know the one I’m talking about. The one where you both make noises until things get gooey followed by feeling really tired with just a hint of sadness. Yeah, that one.
Favorite Barnyard Animal: The one that did not give me chlamydia.
Most Awkward Sex Story: It’s only awkward if you decide its awkward.
Favorite Hash Story: That time Prickly jokingly declared me a woman beater after I accidentally elbowed her in the tit while wrestling over my flour bag, kicking off a chain of events that eventually resulted in the Stumptown having to get a new logo and website.
Favorite drink: A concoction of two parts whiskey, one part ice, and one part bleach with just a dash of bitters. It’s totally great, trust me.
Favorite wine: “Is there a walkers trail?”
Favorite Kennel: Most are okay.
Hash Name: Forrest Hump The Glitter Shitter
Mother Hash: Iwakuni Hash House Harriers
Home Kennel: All hashes Portland
How Long you’ve been hashing: 20 Years
Your naming story: Drunken sex in the woods with a Swedish Lisa Lobe. We came out of the woods right next to my tour bus fixing as we adjusted our post romp appearance.
The tour bus was full of fellow military waiting for me to so they could leave.
Favorite sexual position: Lazy L
Favorite barnyard animal: Baby Goats
Most awkward sex story: My dogtags broke loose mid coitus. We didn’t notice til afterwards and she found them in her hooha.
Favorite hash story: one of my early Iwakuni hash runs consisted of the Hare and myself. I showed up an hour late in the pouring rain not planning to do trail but at home circle led. Turns out nobody came out and the Hare was waiting knowing I was coming late (better than never). I didn’t have hash clothes for trail so stripped down to my boxers and followed a short live lay half mile or so trail.
We had trail, beer, and religion adding one more trail to the books of a budding kennel.
Name: Bottom Dollar
Mother Hash: Portland Humpin Hash
How long have you been hashing: 5 inches….err years
Favorite Position: What ever gets Scent of A Man off.
Naming Story: So there I was, sober at the On After to Toga many moons ago when I run into Cocksprocket and Flosses With Pubes who are NOT sober. They bet me a dollar to go and grab the ass of a hasher I had never met before. I do it and then introduce myself to the bewildered Snow White. OBWAO finds this amusing and proceeds to kiss me to which I flail like a butterfly. Lips Dick witnesses this while ordeel and the following Oregon Kahuna Hash I was named Bottom Dollar
Hash Name: Clownmydia
Mother Hash: Portland Humping Hash House Harriers
Home Kennel: All Things Oregon
How Long you’ve been hashing: 8 Years
Hash Name: Poke Her Face
Mother Hash: Oregon H3
Home Kennel: No Name H3
How Long you’ve been hashing: I’ve been hashing since April 12, 2008. My first hash was hared by Wet Spots and Stinkfinger to celebrate Stinkfinger’s eligibility for Medicare. The Oregon Hash cost $6 then, and I didn’t even have to bring a potluck item. ;o) We were supposed to meet at the Social Security Administration building, but for pre-lubing purposes we relocated to a nearby overpass. Most of the pack were irritated because they’d all received 4 a.m. wake-up calls from the now defunct hasher formerly known as Rectal Rooter. We ran through downtown Portland and up into Forest Park. I was the lone virgin that day trying to figure out what the hell I’d gotten myself into. After the hash I was Allouette-ed at the Cheerful Bullpen (also by Rectal Rooter), and later we went to the Goose for more sport drinking. I finally made it home around 2 a.m., pretty certain that I’d just had one of the most fun experiences of my life.
Hash Name: Felcher
Mother Hash: Portland Humpin Hash
Home Kennel: Dead Whores H3
How Long you’ve been hashing: 9 years
Naming story: So there I was on my 3rd hash with a chest cold but my friend told someone to “go easy on me because I can’t breath through my nose” (totally false). Then I came up the BC and was DFL (as usual) with 2 other sick hashers and I said I was “bringing up the rear”. Shoots asked, “did you say cumming up the rear?” and I repeated him, with a hand gesture, “YES, I’m cumming UP the rear!”. So I get called out for being a mouth breather and cumming up the rear and Pabst says from the back of the pack, “let’s just call her Felcher”, and everyone started chanting, “FELCHER… FELCHER…” and my heart sank as I knew what “felcher” meant and I would NEVER be renamed. I thought I was going to get a good titty name for my inverted nipple. Sigh… que sera sera…
Favorite sexual position: On Top
Favorite barnyard animal: Fainting goats (they’re hilarious!)
Most awkward sex story: having sex on the grounds of a big Disney hotel at night and the sprinklers came on midway through
Favorite hash story: Stinkfinger pissing into his vessel by accident and almost drinking it and when the Czarina Wet Spots became dubbed her Holiness! 🙂
Name: Rear Admiral
Mother Hash: Ashland H3
How long: 12ish drunken years.
Favorite Position: Pterodactyl
Naming Story: Well, I’m big and slow and told a pirate themed joke at my first hash …
Names I was almost named: Taking up the Rear, Testiclese: in the Sack of Rome, Dungeons and Drag Queens.
Hash Name: Hardigan Sweater
Mother Hash: Baltimore-Annapolis H3
Home Kennel: OH3
How Long you’ve been hashing: Uhhhhhhhh…. Uhhhhhhhh… 5 years? 6? Ish?
Naming story It was an Egyptian themed hash in Madison – the hares lived in Egypt, but were back to Madison to visit friends and family. For my costume, I attempted to use safety pins to secure a white towel on as an Egyptian-style kilt. This, predictably, lasted about 10 feet into the first wave of shiggy. I was wearing boxer-briefs, though, so I just decided to ditch the towel entirely. Fast forward to the end of trail, which turned out to be A to B with a panel van to take everyone back to the start. Except that there were about 30 of us. Well, we crammed into the van anyway, and to make space, I had to be half-standing in the back, pressing up against the ceiling to prevent my sweat-drenched undies from getting rubbed all over poor Himalayme’s face every time we took a turn. Seeing the compromising position I was in, my friendly and sympathetic friends pantsed me. There was, however, nothing I could do other than continue to drip sweat onto everyone around me. Because the Madison hash was not very good at naming, the best they could come up with out of all that is oh, yeah, he’s hairy. Let’s call him Hardigan. And he sweats. And it looks like he has a sweater on, durr… And now, forevermore, I’m stuck as Hardigan Sweater.
Favorite sexual position – Standing Ovation
Favorite barnyard animal – whichever one doesn’t run away fast enough
Most awkward sex story – all of them?
Hash Name: Sixty K-9
Mother Hash: Portland H4
Home Kennel: No Name Hash
How Long you’ve been hashing: I think like 69 years or so. give or take 60 years.
Naming story: While waiting at a dick check, i got tired of waiting for a wanker & looked at a dogs dick so I could keep going on trail.
Favorite sexual position: lazy doggie style…both on our side with the tv on. like adults.
Favorite barnyard animal: Barnyard animal? ok, old mcdonald…I like the ass.
Most awkward sex story: hahaha….too many to recite. lost keys to handcuffs & dad came home early? but seriously, who doesnt have one of those, amiright?
Favorite hash story: fuck. thats a good one. something involving stink finger almost dying or wearing two different types of shoes or something along those lines. oh an 500 hash…back of a uhaul, singing yogi bear.
Favorite drink: yes
Favorite wine: yes
Favorite kennel: yes